'EL' 'The Strong One'

I cried out to God over two years ago & the journey I have been on has brought me to deep repentance & great suffering. I am a joyful, playful, positive person by nature, however, there have been season's in my life where God allows me to see the sad, barren & dark side of life & my need to be reminded of my absolute, dire need for Him, 'EL', 'The Strong One'. I have been to this wilderness place before. It is dry, it is lonely, it is frightening, there is no way out or around it, it is painful. Though I have asked for more, I have resisted & have quite honestly, resented the way in which it has come to me. Where are the 3rd Heaven experiences I asked for? The God Encounter's? The Joy of the Lord & the Pleasure's at His right side? I don't understand why I go to this place, most people I know, do not. And I, like the children of Israel, have done alot of wandering, reasoning, worshiping of false gods, trying to cover up my sin & shame, seeking answers in 'people & things', only to return to this lonely, dry, barren land inside of me. This 'Land of Promise' comes at a tremendous cost, I must fight one of my greatest battles here, face my 'Goliath', my mountains, the very enemies of my soul, so that I may overcome & possess it. God will not leave me here. I have a choice to make, for life, not only for myself but for my family. I begin to see the land flowing with 'Milk & Honey'. Each time I have passed through this wilderness, I have been filled to the overflow of His Spirit & the New Wine He has for me. He becomes The Breath of Life I so desperately longed for. What used to 'work' will no longer carry the anointing & power of 'EL' I must have to move forward. So I move forward, and like the Apostle Paul, 'I forget what lies behind' & by faith step into my 'Land of Promise'. "The Lord is my Strength and my Song, and He has become my Salvation; this is my God, and I will praise Him, my father’s God, and I will exalt Him." Exodus 15:2